I really miss being able to express myself the way I use to. But now I am more in control over what and who I share things with.My writing abilities seem to have disappeared as well.  I have just attended a seminar that has assisted me in so many ways. This training is “Impact training”. For me, it has been an incredible experience. As I wish to write what I have learned, I am still unable to find the words to express my experience there. I will just say that I have found myself, I have forgiven myself and others and I am not afraid anymore.  These impact trainings continue as the next one is called “Summit”  I was determined to go to grow more, but have chosen to put all my efforts now into my children, myself and school and others. I have gained what was needed for me to go forward from here.  I just needed to remember who I was and why I am still here.

There are those who come into our lives and change them forever.  It is so very hard to understand the meaning of it all.  I hold on! I let go!  Just to find that I am still holding on unable to let go.  Others come and impact my life as well, giving me hope and love and a promise of a new day.  I can breathe, I can feel, I can love! But I can ‘t let go enough to grab on.  Time may be the answer. Love may be the solution. But for now, my heart still clings to what it can not comprehend.  But I move forward, one step at a time.

Dad took me and my girls to Taylor’s 100 year anniversary. Mom didn’t want to go and dad wanted someone to be with him. He ended up having a great time. I felt my heart pound like it use to, right out of my chest.  What on earth is the meaning of this incredible response?  I felt like I had run up many flights of stairs. My knees grew weak and all I could think to do is run! Brianna, Megan, and Katelynn and I played frizby, and that helped me gain my strength. I wonder if I will ever be able to control my heart!!!!!

Blogging was definitely a good thing for me when I did it It helped me with my writing skills and with the ability to express myself more clearly. When I shut this down, I shut down many things inside of me, and I am fearful that I don’t know how to get them back. I have a media writing class that is going to require that part of my brain to be open again. Shoot! So I will begin again.

I am back, but still not found.  Divorce has shook me to the very core, destroyed my foundation (which was damaged anyway) and started me searching deep within my soul for answers to questions I never had.  It was necessary and beneficial, but not without its severe pains! I jumped just as I was getting pushed off the cliff anyway. There was only one way to go. How I went was my only option.

I am still taking time away from expressing myself because I have to find myself first I do not know when that will be. I am sorry .